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Can you ever really get over your first love? When I say first love, I don’t necessarily mean the first person you said “I love you” to, or even the first person you thought you were in love with, but never told. I’m talking about the first person that really defined what love is to you. The person who taught you what it was like to be completely and utterly vulnerable because you felt like nothing could ever hurt you when you were with that person.

Now I’m not saying that you got that one shot and now you are going to be miserable, living in your parents’ basement with your 17 cats. I just wonder if someone can really ever feel that same way for another. Is it possible for it to be deeper?

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I think there are two situations:

  1. Your first love was a really shitty person and did a lot of really shitty things to you on a regular basis and was the reason things ended. I don’t think I need to expand on this. Deep down, even if you try to deny to all your friends, you know he’s shitty.
  2. Your first love ended in a normal way. Of course everyone is upset and I’m sure we’re angry at that person for some reason, but generally they were a good person and we believe they deserve happiness.

Either way this could be true, but I think it’s possibly more of a reality for those in the second scenario. Not that I’m advocating falling for a complete waste of human life. I just think it’s easier to recognize how bad that love was and how much better a current love is once you realize how terrible that person is.

But even then, are you ever as vulnerable and open with someone else. There is so much naivety in a first love that you think it will last forever and that it won’t ever end or sour (at least in the beginning and middle of the relationship). But it doesn’t. Love doesn’t actually work that way. Love requires time, patience, commitment and a whole host of things that each person needs to regularly provide to the other. These are things we learn as we get older. But does that lack of idealism actually hinder our future relationships? Does knowing that it could end, force us to put up walls even if we don’t know we’re putting them up?

We live in a world where online dating gives us the illusion that there are numerous people that can put up with us and a world where cynicism reigns supreme. Maybe a little naïve hope is what we really need as a society.

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