picky-eating-mom-guilt-e1444833505859I had already planned on writing a new post about women being “too picky” and then a magical thing happened. My blog post Are Men Still Hunting made it onto a male reddit forum. As you can guess, they were super sweet! A lot of the comments focused on how (1) I have a big forehead (OMG I never noticed this as an insecure pre-teen! Thanks reddit men.) and (2) I only want this 1% of a man called a “Chad”. I googled this, because of course I’m a “[l]ikes to gorge/to be fed, Post-wall feminist, likes foreign c***, anti fitness, SJW (ed: social justice warrior), OCD, TV addict, cat lady.” A “Chad” is a white guy in his 20s or early 30s that is similar to a frat boy and, based on reddit users, may or may not have a career as a doctor, lawyer, blah blah blah. Well joke is on you reddit! I would never date a guy in his 20s. 🙂

But before all this reddit fun, I had come to the realization that I’m pickier than ever. The reddit men were right. I do want someone that graduated college, has a job and doesn’t live in his mother’s basement. After that I’m ambivalent on the rest. I don’t care what your job/career is, as long as you are following your passion, what you look like, what frat you were in, or any other random things that end up on women’s “lists”. Instead, I’ve become picky because I really enjoy my personal space. Right now, I don’t have to share my apartment with anyone or worry about anyone else’s time. If I want to do something, I do it. If I want to be a lazy bum that gorges, I nap and eat.

Through this, I’ve started to realize that marriage isn’t a priority for me. Sorry mom! Marriage isn’t a pretty fairytale. The wedding and pretty dress is just one day. After that, it takes a lot of work and a lot of sharing of space and time. If I’m going to go through all that work, the man needs to be fantastic. I have no idea what that fantastic man looks like or what he enjoys doing in his spare time. I just know that I never want to “settle” just to be in a relationship or married. Being alone or a permanent pet lady (I don’t discriminate against dogs) isn’t an idea that bothers me. I’m happy with my life right now. For me, anyone that can break me out of this ideal world is someone that must be worth it.

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While we are seeing more and more women choosing not to marry and it’s becoming less of a stigma to be on your own, my mother can actually rest easy. While I have this “picky” standard, studies have actually shown that women with post-graduate educations are more likely to get married than less educated women. Additionally, we’re more likely to have marriages last 20+ years. This is in stark contrast to what we’ve been told and what has happened historically for educated women. Part of me wonders if it is because women are less likely to marry just because it is what they are “supposed” to do. Maybe my pickiness of not wanting to share my space is actually a benefit that I’ve been taught to suppress.

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However, I’m not giving myself too much hope. I am a feminist, social justice warrior and b*tch with a big forehead. It’s part of my charm. If it happens for me, great. If it doesn’t, great. I love my life right now and I’m not going to let any random man, or group of men, disrupt it.