They look sweet and innocent, but are secret monsters
  1. You will hate them.

I imagine it’s probably similar with children as well. Sometimes they drive you so crazy, you just have a brief moment where you wish they didn’t exist. With a puppy, that ends up being daily life when trying to potty train. You see them take these big steps. They pretend that they understand that peeing is for outside. You pat yourself on the back thinking you are the next Cesar Milan. Then they have a whole day of just randomly peeing everywhere. Nothing you’ve done matters.

Their only goal is to destroy everything
  1. That adorable gnawing on your fingers, is no long adorable

People will say “oh that’s cute” or “at least it doesn’t hurt”. It does hurt. Turns out puppy teeth are sharper than adult teeth. The light gnawing mixed with licks seems cute to strangers, but when you need to get something done and the puppy won’t stop grabbing your fingers and hands, it gets old. Real quick. Oh, not to mention the time she was sweetly laying on my chest, turned her head and stared in my eyes. I smiled, thinking she was so sweet. She bit my nose. It was sore for a week.

Your only moments of peace are when they sleep
  1. You hate people that like/talk to/pet dogs

This used to be me. I’d walk down the street and smile or say hi when I saw a cute dog. If it stopped and I could tell it wanted me to pet it, I would. Well, karma is a bitch. When you have a puppy, everyone wants to stop and talk or pet them. And all you want is your dog to semi-behave and/or go to the bathroom and/or walk down the street like a half-normal dog. But when people come up and stop you, all hope is out the window. The 5 minutes it took me to convince her to go potty, has to restart.

They grow obscenely fast
  1. You discover that people lack attention to detail and are possibly sexist.

My dog wears a bright pink collar. Against her black fur you can’t miss it. Yet people stare at her and ask me “How old is he?” I’ll make a point to say SHE is 3 months. But over 50% of the time it doesn’t work. The next question is “What’s his name?” She’s not a fucking boy! She has a pink collar. Societies’ gender norms have designated pink for females. And even if it didn’t, not every damn dog that is bigger than a lap dog is a boy. Open your mind “dog lovers”!

They never leave you alone
  1. You start to think this is all a master plot to drive you crazy

There are multiple times that I have been convinced that Nori was sent solely to drive me crazy and bring me down. Nothing else makes sense on why this seemingly friendly puppy would want to destroy my soul.

  1. You’ll randomly start ranting and getting mad at everything because you’ve lost every ounce of energy and have given up on the virtue called patience.

See this post as evidence.

  1. Your puppy does something freakishly adorable, like loving Moana as much as you do, and suddenly you feel guilty for thinking all these things.

 

 

They love watching Moana